All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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