if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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