At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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