Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
