I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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