I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Watching her eat just hurts me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
