I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
