Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
