Swine flu. Run for my life!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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