I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
