life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
