It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
