Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
