Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
