Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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