I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
