she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
