i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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