Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
