Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize