marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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