Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
