I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
