I can text with my tongue
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
