xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
