It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
