literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
