I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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