Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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