i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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