I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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