Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
