just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
