I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
