I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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