nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
May the power of my ass compel you!!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
