Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
