I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
