who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Help. Why am I so naked?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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