I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
