If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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