you have to choose: penises or morals?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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