I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
