An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
