Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
