My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
from now on my penis is your penis
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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