I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
