i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
