It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
