Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
