I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize