rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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