I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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