When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
