I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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