I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
