I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
