yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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