Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
