I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
