My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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