if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
