Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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