My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
