god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
