my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we made out on top of his cat.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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