so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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