EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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