did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
