im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
whose parrot is this?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
