My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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