I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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