Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You are the jesus of drinking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
