Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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