I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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