I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
