Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
