Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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