cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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