my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
